


Supposed To Be

by hunters_retreat



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: F/M, Infidelity, Inspired by a Movie, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Someone Like You Remake, whenboymeetsboy challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-21 04:43:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4815512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunters_retreat/pseuds/hunters_retreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared Padalecki works as a production assistant on the up and coming talk show Ferris-isms along with Jensen Ackles.  How bad can things really get in an office romance?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Supposed To Be

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://whenboymeetsboy.livejournal.com/profile)

 

  
   

 

 

 

"Did you really think that was going to be a good idea?” Jared asked with a smile as he looked at the note Jensen was staring at on the office’s community notice board. Jensen looked genuinely surprised by Jared’s question and he almost laughed. “Honestly, you think anyone here would want to be your roommate?”

 “I’m a great roommate.”  Jensen gave his most winning smile and Jared shook his head.  “Why?  What do you think is wrong with me?” 

 “You’re you.”

 “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

 “It means you’ll sleep with anything on two legs, have the ethics of a caveman, and think a romantic date involves getting take out on the way back to your place before sex begins and not as an after thought because you got hungry.”

 Jensen smiled.  “Now I know you love me Jay.”

 “Don’t call me that.”  He said with a roll of his eyes.  He was rather hoping to get away from Jensen but he was waiting for his morning coffee and there was no way he was going to make it through the day with out. 

 “Who would do this anyway?”  Written in black marker over Jensen’s roommate wanted notice were three different markings.  Bastard was the nicest of them.

 “Let’s see, Gloria, Stephanie, Maria, maybe even Jake.”  Jared said with a grin as he snagged the coffee pot when it was finished.  He poured his coffee quickly and pushed past Jensen to get the creamer and sugar.  He was a couple inches taller and worked out to boot so you’d think it would be easy to get past Jensen, but when he chose to he was good at getting in the way.

 “Hey, I never made any promise to any of them”

 “Too much information Jensen.  You know what I’d really like?”  Jared asked as he shoved past Jensen and made his way past Jensen.  “Just for one day, I’d like to come to work some day and not have to listen to your sorted love life.”

 “Awe now I know you love me.”  Jensen said, following him out of the kitchen, coffee in hand.   

 “I hate you Jensen.”

 “Back at ya sweetheart.”

 “Excuse me?”  They both stopped short as they came to the front office, the voice coming from an attractive older man that watched them both with curious eyes.  Jared couldn’t help as his eyes raked over the newcomer, fit body, dark hair and expressive eyes that currently showed a lot of amusement.   “You, I haven’t met yet.”  He said, watching Jared. 

 Jensen looked between the two of them and smacked Jared on the back.  “Right, Jared Padalecki, meet Jeffery Morgan.  Jeff, Jared.”

 “Oh, right.  You’re the new producer from New York?” He said, reaching a hand out to shake Jeff’s. 

 “Yeah, that would be me.”

 Jared wasn’t sure what to say next.  He knew there had to be some witty comment, some way to make himself more attractive to the man before him, but nothing came to mind. 

 “Hey Jay, you look a little flushed.  Are you feeling alright?”

 Jared stared at Jensen for a minute, before Jeff cleared his throat.  “Well, I need to go check in with Samantha.  Can one of you point me in the right direction?”  His smile was sincere.  “I managed to find it a little earlier this morning but I’m a little turned around now.”   

 Jared nodded.  “Sure, it’s just this way.”

 “You could just point the way.  I don’t want to interrupt.”

 Jensen was almost at the door when he stopped.  “Yeah Jared.”  He said, looking pointedly at Jared’s crotch.  “Why don’t you point the way?”

 Jared’s cheeks flushed but he noticed that Jeff hadn’t looked back at Jensen and hadn’t seen what he was referring to.  “It’s no trouble really.  We’re heading there for a meeting anyway.” 

 Jeff’s smile got bigger and he nodded.  “Alright.  Lead the way then.” 

 Samantha Ferris was a woman who got what she wanted, whether it was the man in her life or a nationally syndicated talk show.  Samantha was beautiful with a strong will and ambition that put most men off.  She liked to talk about the man in her life who never made it to the set and who Jensen had decided was completely fictional.

 Jared took a seat on the couch next to Jensen and watched as Jeff took a seat opposite them in a chair positioned catty corner to Samantha’s desk.  She wasn’t there yet and that was typical.  He stole a look at Jeff who seemed comfortable enough waiting, like he had expected it. 

 If he had, he was right.  The only thing Samantha ever arrived on time for was the actual filming of her show.  She liked to remind people that they were working for her in very subtle ways.  It wasn’t bad to work for her, all of that withstanding.  Besides their weekly meetings they were mostly left to do their job without interference and he was grateful for that. 

 He felt Jensen lean close to whisper in his ear.  “So, you really do have a libido… I was beginning to think I was going to have to teach you about the birds and the bees.” 

 “Shut up Jensen.”  He replied, not so quietly. 

 Jeff looked up at the two of them and Jared felt his face turn red again as Jensen chuckled beside him.  He was saved as Samantha came breezing in, her personal assistant on her heels.  If there was anyone to feel sorry for in the room, it was her assistant.  The woman always seemed on edge.  He wasn’t sure if that was just her personality, or if that was from working so closely with Samantha.

 Samantha came in dressed in a dark green dress suit that showed her body off as much as possible and retain a professional look.  Her long brown hair was worn down as always, letting it drape her shoulders as elegantly as the rest of her wardrobe did her body.  Brown eyes stared out giving an impression of warmth that Jared, after two years working on the show, wasn’t sure was real or not.  Samantha could smile with the best of them while simultaneously giving you a condescending lecture about your faults and appearing to actually care about you as a person. 

 She leaned back on the edge of her desk, grabbing the coffee her assistant thrust into her hand and took a long sip before turning her attention to them.  “Jeff, glad you could make it in for today’s meeting.  I take it you already met Jared and Jensen?”

 Jeff nodded, though the smile he directed at Samantha was entirely civil, none of the warmth that Jared had seen there before.  “I did.”

 “Good then.  Let’s get on with the show.”  She said, directing a small smile at the three of them, her personal assistant blending into the background.  “So where do we stand right now?  I need some news, I need to hear what we have coming.  We’ve got a limited chance to make out syndication stick and a damn tight marketing budget to make this happen with so we need to be better than good.  We need to be remarkable.  We need people to be talking about us, to be telling their friends to watch.”

 Jared watched Samantha work herself into a frenzy and just let it go.  She was worked up today for some reason and he noticed Jensen shifting in his seat as well, letting Samantha’s ambition drive her words but the implied criticisms pass over them.  Sneaking a peek at Jeff to see how he was taking Samantha’s diatribe, he was surprised to see the man glancing at him.  He bit his lip to keep from smiling and must have failed because Jensen pinched him hard, making him frown at his co-worker.  He would have liked to tell Jensen off for it, but the last thing he needed to do while Samantha continued on was draw attention to himself.  Or the fact that he had no idea what she was talking about because he was too caught up discretely trying to see if Jeff was watching him. 

 

 **

 “Oh god, it’s you.”  Jensen said, rounding the corner to the kitchen. 

 Jared gave a small laugh as his best friend stared at Jensen, hoping to make him go away but Jensen seemed oblivious to the stare.  Jared knew better.  He’d been trying to stare the other producer down for the last three years and the only thing that ever happened was Jensen would smile and eventually ask why his eye was twitching.  It never worked and he’d never seen anyone else who could do it either.  Jensen didn’t care what people thought of him and people’s subtle, and not to subtle, ways of making him uncomfortable usually just amused him.  It was something Jared actually admired in him, but could never do himself. 

 "Come on Chad, let’s get out of here.” 

 “Thank you.”  Jensen said before Chad could answer.  “His eyes twitch worse than yours.” 

 Jared grabbed Chad by the arm and pushed him towards the door but not fast enough as Jensen called out to him.  “Just make sure your boyfriend doesn’t see him!”

 “Bastard.”  Jared mumbled as he walked Chad out the door.  Chad kept his silence which was a rather amazing feat until they had walked the block to the small deli.  They were just settling in with their food when Chad smiled.

 “So… boyfriend?”

 Jared groaned.  “No.  Not boyfriend.  Jensen’s just being an ass.”

 “Like that’s anything new.”

 Jared gave a small laugh.  He didn’t think Chad really disliked Jensen but the two of them had this mutual disregard for one another that seemed to amuse them both.  Jared didn’t get it but it made him laugh more than it probably should. 

 “We have a new executive producer, started about two weeks ago.”  Jared explained as Chad stuffed his mouth full of french fries.  “And before you ask, he’s gorgeous and funny and really sweet.”

 “And?”

 “Has a girl friend.”

 “So he’s straight and taken and you haven’t pulled back the flirt enough to get off Jensen’s radar?”

 “He’s … well he and his girlfriend are having trouble and there is no way he’s straight with all the flirting he’s been doing.  Jensen won’t leave me alone about it though and I swear if he whispers something inappropriate in my ear one more time I’m going to stick a pencil in his eye.”

 Chad choked on his food and ended up laughing until his eyes teared up.  “Jensen’s just being a jealous little bitch.  He’s had you to himself for too long.  You know you’re the closest thing that man has had to an actual relationship in his entire life.”

 “Now that’s just pathetic.”  Jared said with a laugh.

 “Tell me about it.  So, what are you planning to do about hot boss guy?”

 “Nothing.  I mean, yeah he’s hot, but I’m not looking to get involved with someone like that.  Seriously.  We’re just work associated and nothing more.”

  

 **

“What are you doing tonight?”  The voice at the other end of the phone made Jared smile. 

 “Just sitting back, catching the game.  Nothing special why?”

 “I’ll pick you up in thirty minutes.”

 Jared barely had time to throw on clothes and make his place presentable before Jeff showed up.  He ran out the door as soon as he arrived and found himself eating hot dogs as they walked down the boardwalk.  The sun had set a little earlier and Jared couldn’t remember the last time he’d shared that with anyone. 

 “I think...” Jeff said with a smile “these are the best dogs I’ve had in ages.”

 Jared smiled back at him.  He was relaxed and felt comfortable around Jeff.  He had a slower energy than most of the people Jared met.  He held doors for people and his smile seemed to ask permission for just about everything he did. 

 He was looking at him now with that smile.  “You have a little…”  Jeff reached forward without finishing, his thumb swiping across the corner of Jared’s mouth before bringing it back to his own lips.  He sucked it clean for a second, still smiling.  “ketchup.”

  Before he could stop himself the words popped out of his mouth.  “Does anyone actually say no to that smile?”

 Jeff’s smile blossomed and he took a step closer, one hand coming around Jared’s neck and pulling him close.  He did it slowly, giving Jared time to back away if he wanted to, but there was nothing Jared wanted more than to close that distance. 

 Their lips met and all Jared could think about was how perfect it all felt.  Jared was so tall that he normally had to bend over more than was comfortable for a kiss, but Jeff was tall too.  He was about the perfect height to put his around and kiss until he couldn’t breathe anymore.  Instead of over thinking it like he usually did though, Jared let himself do just that. 

 When Jeff pulled away, it was only to rest his forehead against Jared’s.  “God, I’ve been wanting to do since the day I met you.”

 “Yeah?”

 “Yeah.”

 “What took you so long?”

 Jeff pulling back a little, looking embarrassed as he stared at his feet.  “I uh…”  He licked his lower lip and Jared wanted to kiss it again.  “I was set straight about a certain... misconception I had.”

 “And what was that?”

 “Jensen set me straight.”

 Jared stiffened up at the mention of Jensen.  “What did he say about me?”

 Jeff noticed the change in his body language and waved a hand.  “I just… the two of you are always together at the studio.  The way you to interact… I thought… well… he let me know that you weren’t his type.”

 “One night stand is Jensen’s only type.”  Jared said with a shake of his head.

 “That’s what he said too.” Jeff answered with a smile.  “Anyway, he let me know that you two weren’t… involved.”

 “I don’t know if I should kill him for making people think we’re involved or just let it go since he told you the truth.”

 “Just so long as you don’t kiss him for it, because I’m sort of the jealous type.”  Jeff said as he brought their lips together one more time.

 

 **

The trip back to Jared’s apartment was relaxed but as soon as they got to the front door the air was charged with something else.  Jared didn’t make any excuses for it.  As soon as the door was closed behind him, he led Jeff to the couch and leaned into him, kissing him long and hard. 

 Jeff’s hands seemed to be everywhere at once and they managed to fall off the couch twice as they kept trying to dominate the other.  Jeff landed on the bottom the second time but he was laughing as Jared untangled himself.  “I think we need to move this someplace bigger.” 

 There was still laughter in his eyes, but they were turning darker with desire and Jared reached a hand down to pull him up.  He kissed him, soft and slow this time, walking him back towards the bedroom.

 They fell back onto the bed and they managed to get their clothes off without any more trouble.  It wasn’t until Jared turned over to reach for the lube in the night stand that he managed to roll off the bed.

 Jeff pulled him back onto the center of the bed and kissed him.  “You stay right here before you break something.  Let me take care of the rest.”

 And he did.

 **

 

 “What the hell do I do now?”  Jared complained into his phone. 

 He heard Chad snort.  “You just had mind blowing sex all night long and you ask me what to do next?  And, just to clarify, I don’t need so many details next time, alright?”

 Jared shook his head.  “Seriously Chad, you know it’s been a long time since-“

 “Yeah I know Jared.  Honestly, the guy liked you enough to ask you out.  I don’t think you need to worry about it.  Just… relax.  Act like nothing happened last night.  Don’t act like it’s the only think you can think about.”

 “It is the only thing I can think about.”

 “Yeah but you don’t want him to know that, do you?”  When Jared didn’t answer Chad continued.  “Just don’t react to him.”

 “What if he thinks I was just using him for sex?”

 “Weren’t you?”

 “Chad!”

 Chad laughed.  “Listen, you can tell him you’re remaining detached for work purposes but you’ll continue to be a wildcat in bed, alright, but you want him to make another move so play it cool.”

 “Remind me why I ask for your advice?”

 “Because I’m the only one of your friends that will listen to you talk about the fabulous gay sex you were having last night?  Or because I’m the only one that will listen to your morning after neurosis?”

 “Shut up Chad.”

 “Yeah whatever.  I have to get to work.  They’re talking about adding a new column to the paper and i’m making a pitch for something different.”

 “Really?”

 “Yeah, well they ignore the demographics of our readers and I think we should shake things up a bit.”

 “That sounds like it will go over well.”

 “I’ll phrase it nicer than that.”

 “Please do.”

 “I’m out of here.  Call me later if you need to spaz out again.”

 Jared hung up and grabbed his notebook, heading towards Samantha’s office.

 He took a seat on the couch and remembered his debate from the night before.  Kill him or thank him?  He was about to say good morning as a way of breaking the ice as he figured it out, but saw the darkened skin that was peeking out of Jensen’s shirt.  “What is that?”  He asked.

 Jensen looked up, a half smirk in place.  “I bit myself shaving.”  He glared but before anything else came out, Jensen’s hand reached out, pulling the edge of Jared’s tee shirt down.  “Looks like you did to.”  He said with a knowing grin.

 “I… uh…”

 Jensen gave a shake of his head.  “Don’t worry Jared I can keep a secret.  Just glad it worked out for you last night.”

 “Did you know…”

 “It’s not like you’re subtle Jared.”  Jensen said with a smirk.  “I’d have had to kill myself if you acted any more smitten.  Really, it was pretty pathetic.”

 “Do you have any friends?”

 Jensen opened his mouth to answer but closed it when Jeff came in and sat on the other side of Jared.  Jared nodded but he couldn’t help but feel smug at the obvious lack of sleep from the night before and how the normally clean shaven producer looked scruffy and a little worse for wear.

 Samantha came in right behind him and her eyes took in Jeff’s appearance immediately.  “Are you alright Jeff?”  She asked.

 “Yeah.”  He said, nodding and trying to avoid looking at everyone else in the room.  “I’m fine I just… I… rough night.  I didn’t get a lot of sleep.”

 She stared at him for a minute then shook her head, “Alright.  Then let’s get a move on.  How are we on the website Jeff?”

 “It’s coming along well.”  Jeff answered, opening his portfolio.  He seemed to get his bearings back as they focused on work.  “The basics site will be up on Monday and streamlining videos, galleries, and forums will be up the following week.” 

 “Alright.  Let’s keep pushing it.  We need to make sure we are getting as much exposure as we can.  Jared, where are we on new talent?”

 “We have a full roster already lined up Samantha.”  He said with a small smile.  He’d worked his ass off to make sure there were plenty of people with the right amount of controversy and credentials to give Samantha the highly intelligent but easy to criticize guests that would keep her viewers tuning in.

 “Jensen?”

 He smiled.  “Everything else is in place.  Staff is full and we have a few new interns around to keep things moving.”

 “Perfect.”  Samantha said.  “I want a daily update people.  I need to know what’s happening so I can be sure we’re going in the right direction.  Alright everyone?” 

 Jared nodded and noticed Jensen’s roll of the eyes before Samantha could see it.  He bit the inside of his lip to keep from laughing aloud.  They might not always agree on things, but Jensen certainly kept things from getting too serious around the station.  If the man could get a handle on his love life he’d be pretty decent.  Of course that was a big if and Jared knew better than think Jensen was going to change anytime soon.  As long as they’d worked together, he knew Jensen’s views on relationships all too well.  He pointedly didn’t look to see what Jeff’s reaction to Samantha’s daily update was and when she dismissed them he latched onto Jensen, talking about the next day’s plants in the studio audience and the requirements of their latest guest.  When Jeff left by himself, Jensen pulled Jared out into the hall.  

 “What was that about?”

 “What?”

 “Jeff?  He obviously wanted to talk to you.”

 “This isn’t the place for it Jensen.  I’m not letting my personal life intrude on my private life.”

 “You say this after you started sleeping with a co-worker?”

 “Shut up Jensen.”  He said, but there was no heat to it.  “Look, I didn’t mean for this to happen, thank you very much.  But it did and who are you to judge me anyway?  You’ve had a dozen affairs with people we work with.”

 Jensen smiled as he shrugged.  “Yeah, but we’ve had this discussion before.  They knew what was going to happen.  I had a night with then, never a relationship.”

 “Is that supposed to be better?”

 “Quicker at least.”

 Jared shook his head but wasn’t quite able to stop the smile.  “There’s something wrong with you Jensen.  Seriously wrong with you.”

 Jensen reached around and tapped Jared’s heart with his hand.  “You love me anyway Jay.”

 “God help anyone who does.  And don’t call me that!”  He laughed as he headed back to his office and the man that was waiting to make sure the night before hadn’t been a mistake.

 

 **

 Jared opened the door and took a deep breath at the sight before him.  Jeff looked like hell.  “Hey, what are you doing here?”

 “I told her.”

 “Jesus Jeff.  Get in here.”  He said, pulling the man in.  He sat him down on the couch, got them each a beer and handed it to Jeff, encouraging him to drink as he sat there.  “So, I take it went about as well as you thought it would.”

 “Yeah.  I mean, no, I guess…. I just expected her to be more upset.  She was just… Sammy’s always had a cold side I know but I just expected.”  Jeff looked up at him in bewildered surprise.  “I’m sure she’ll cry.  I mean, eventually it will hit you know.  And she’ll realize I’m really gone.”

 “But you’re happy now, right?”  Jared asked.  “With me I mean?”

 “What?  Yes.  Yeah, of course.  Of course.  I’m happy.  With you.  You’re wonderful Jared.  I…”  Jeff put his drink down and grabbed Jared’s face, bringing their lips together.  “I’m so lucky to have you here Jared.  I just.. I love you.”

 Jared stared at him for a minute, then smiled.  “I love you too Jeff.”

 

 ** 

“You’ve reached Jeff Morgan.  Leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

 “Hey, it’s Jared.  I did it.  I talked to my landlord and I gave notice.  So now it’s official.  You’re stuck with me.  Call me so we can schedule a time to look at apartments.  I love you.”

**

 “Jared, it’s Chad man.  So you going to ignore me now that you got your happily ever after?  Call me back.  And don’t forget, you owe me some beers if you expect me to help you box up and move out.  Pizza too.”

** 

“Jeff, I need to talk to you.  I just got off the phone with the realtor and she said she didn’t get our application yet.  I figured the fax just didn’t go through or something.  Can you resend it?  I still can’t believe that place.  It’s… it’s perfect for us.  I can’t believe we’re doing this.  God I love you.  Call me back.”

**

“Jeff, what’s going on?  You’re been avoiding me at work and now you aren’t answering your phone?  Look, yeah, I’m upset that we lost that apartment but I know it just didn’t work out.  I’m not mad at you so please call me.  We need to talk to the realtor about seeing some more places.”

**

 “Hey, I talked to my landlord and my place has already been rented.  I’m not sure what’s going on, but as of this weekend I don’t have any place to live and you’re still avoiding me.  I need to see you.  Please Jeff, call me.”

**

“Jared, its Jeff.  I… I know I haven’t called you like I should have.  I know you’re confused about what’s happening but…  I… Jared you have to understand.  I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m doing.  Trying to find a way to say this, but… I can’t Jared.  I can’t do this.    I love you I really do, but I can’t just jump from one relationship to another.  I need to stop being JD and find out who Jeff is again.  Please, I know you hate me.  I know you’ll hate me even more when you hear this, but it’s for the best Jared.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  
**

 

Jared stared numbly at the coffee pot, waiting in his morning ritual that was really the only thing keeping him moving.  Jensen came in behind him, grumbling about traffic and the club last night watering down it’s drinks and his hangover and everything else.  Jared didn’t have the energy to point out that he’d still managed to have a hangover with the drinks watered down so he should be grateful.  Jensen noticed something was off. 

 “You okay Jared?”  He asked, coming up beside him as he grabbed the coffee pot.  He poured them both a cup of coffee and even added the cream and sugar the way Jared liked it. 

 Jared shook himself out of it.  “Yeah.  Just… tired.”  He knew it was a lame thing to say and the look on Jensen’s face said he clearly didn’t believe it but he didn’t push.

 “If you need to take off man, just do it.  I’ve got you covered today.”

 “No.”  He said, shaking his head.  The last thing he wanted to do was face Jeff after the message that had been left on his phone Friday night, but he couldn’t sit around his apartment moping.  He needed to keep moving or he’d never start up again.  “I need to be here.”

 “Morning.” 

 Jared tensed at the voice and took a deep breath to keep from breaking down in front of Jeff.  He didn’t want Jeff to see how much he’d hurt him, didn’t want him to know that being in his apartment just reminded him of the fact that they were supposed to be moving in together this weekend and now he had no place to go, no place to live.  He didn’t want Jeff to know how thoroughly he’d broken Jared’s life.  And who the hell gave him the right to anyway? 

 “Jesus Jeff, you look like hell.” He heard Jensen say but he ignored them both, his emotions tumbling around too fast to keep up with the words behind him. 

 He felt a certain amount of anger at the way he’d been treated and it was easier to deal with that now.  He focused on that and with startling clarity realized that he had a solution to his living situation and a way to upset Jeff all in one place.

 “Hey Jensen, are you still looking for a roommate?”

 Two heads swiveled sharply towards him.  Jeff looked like he was about to be sick but Jensen gave him a curious smile.  “Yeah I am actually.  You know someone looking for a place?”  He asked.

 “Me.”

 Jensen quirked his head to the side.  “Thought you said no one would want to live with me and my whorish ways?”

 “Yeah, well I changed my mind when the apartment I was supposed to move into suddenly vanished.”

 “Um… okay.  I can take you by to see the place at lunch if you want.”

 “Perfect.  Would it be okay to move in this weekend if everything is good?”

 “Yeah, of course.”

 “Then it’s settled.”

 “You’re moving in with Jensen?”  Jeff asked softly.

 “Looks like.”  Jared directed a smile at Jeff but it was more a bearing of teeth than a sign of affection. 

 “But… he’s...”

 “What Jeff?  What is he?  What exactly is Jensen that makes you think you have the right to object to me moving in with him?”

 Jensen watched the scene with a growing smirk on his face.  “Yeah Jeff, what am I?”  He asked as he moved in closer to Jared.

 Jeff looked at Jensen then back at Jared like he couldn’t understand what he was seeing.  Jensen was playing along, for which Jared was extremely grateful.  It felt good to watch Jeff as he tried to put the pieces together and Jared knew exactly what Jeff was trying to connect.  The idea of Jared moving in with Jensen obviously upset him and considering Jensen’s reputation it was understandable that Jeff had concerns about Jared’s virtue. Only Jeff didn’t get to say anything about what Jared did anymore.  As Jeff backed out of the kitchen, coffee mug still empty, Jared allowed himself a bitter smile. 

 “Trouble in paradise?”

 “Shut up Jensen.”

 He heard the laugh, felt it in his body as Jensen’s chest brushed his back as he passed behind him.  “You were serious about moving in though, right?  That wasn’t just a show for Jeff was it?”

“I was serious.  But we have to have some ground rules Jensen.”

“Don’t worry Jared.  I promise not to molest that hot young bod of yours or try to lead you into a life of decadence.” 

 Jared felt the laugh bubble out of him of it’s own accord.  He wasn’t ready to laugh yet, wasn’t ready for the pain that held him so tight to give way to anything else, but Jensen had always been able to make him laugh.  He decided not to fight it.  It gave him something else to concentrate on besides the pain and that helped him move on, helped him keep it together through lunch where he and Jensen grabbed take out and went to his apartment.  It helped him push through the meeting in Samantha’s officer where Jensen allowed Jared to maneuver him into sitting next to Jeff so he didn’t have to.

 It helped him get through work and the ride home, but as he walked into his apartment, most his possessions scattered or packed already, he felt a sob building and didn’t stop that either. 

 

**

 When he heard the knock at the door Jared thought about ignoring it.  It only took half a second to disregard that thought though because the knocking sounded more like a kick and he knew that had to be Chad.  If Chad were out there he wasn't going to leave.  In fact, if he left him out there he was likely to do something stupid, like sit on Jared’s doorstep singing lewd limericks until someone called the police on him.  He got up, still wishing he could have the time to himself, but Chad was there and he really did need the help.

 It wasn't that he was moping or anything, but his perfect life had been destroyed via voice mail a week before and he was moving in with his co-worker who was the biggest man and/or womanizer he'd ever met.  He couldn't help but be sad as he tried to pack up the remains of his life on the day he was supposed to be moving in with the man he loved. 

 He pulled open the door and gave Chad a half smile.  No matter what happened, Chad would always show up, would always be his annoying, obnoxious self and Jared loved that about him.  "Hey man.  Thanks for coming over to help."

 Chad smiled as he walked in.  "No sweat man.  You know i'd never turn down free beer and pizza."  He said, giving Jared a way out of the sentiment of the moment. 

 The walls of the living room were lined with two different groupings of boxes.  "What's that?"  Chad asked.

 Jared pointed to the larger grouping.  "Things I need to drop off at good will.  The other stack is what I’m moving in to Jensen's."

 "You're getting rid of that much?"

 Jared shrugged.  "You know, I was going through stuff and it just hit me.  I've held onto so many things because so and so gave it to me and its all just emotional baggage you know?  I don't have a lot of my own space at Jensen's and I figured why not just make a clean break with it all?  I don't have to be the sentimental sap all the time."  Chad gave him a look and it made Jared laugh in spite of the situation.  "Okay, well I can start over with the sentimental crap I keep."

 "That's my boy."  Chad said, wrapping an arm around Jared and leading him back into the apartment to get the last minute things packed up and the boxes moved into his truck.

 

**

 

"Wow."  Chad said as Jared watching him walk into the living area of Jensen’s spacious apartment.

 "I know."  Jared said, coming up behind him.  "I was wrong.  If anyone else had come up here to look at the place, they would have moved in regardless of Jensen."

 Chad smiled as he looked back at him.  "Come on Jared.  I thought it was my job to rag on Jensen all the time?  You know he's not so bad."

 Jared shook his head.  "I know. I mean, he is what he is."

 "Gorgeous?"

 Jared threw his keys at Chad.  "It's the next obvious thing I was talking about, the commitment phobic sex addict that makes it hard to deal with him.  It's definitely not the wear on the eyes."  He was laughing though and he felt more comfortable now that Chad was in the space with him. 

 "Now we're talking, because if you make me defend Jensen again, i'm going to have to walk out on principle."

 Jared gave Chad a quick look-see of the place, but the floor plan was very open and it wasn't much of a tour.  With the exception of the bedrooms and bathroom, there weren't any closed off rooms.  The living area gave way to two smaller sections, one a rec area and another an office.  On the other end of the living room was the dining space with a large table and eight chairs set around it.  Across from that was the kitchen.  It was all painted in a soft deep blue-gray.  It felt very masculine and Jared briefly wondered what women thought of it when Jensen brought them back to his place.

 He shook his head of those thoughts and looked over to Chad.  "My room is this way."  He said, going over to the door and opening it up.  It was painted in a very light shade of grey and Jared knew that Jensen had just recently painted it that color when Jared had commented that the darker color made the room seem small. 

 "What happened here?"  Chad asked as he poked his head through a blanket covering a hole on the opposite wall.  He pushed the blanket aside and moved further into the room. 

 "Apparently Jensen got drunk and decided to renovate."  Jared said with a smile.  He could picture it clearly in his mind.  Jensen didn't normally let himself get drunk in front of his co-workers, but Jared bet that he really did let loose when he got home.  Honestly, it was one of the few things about moving in with Jensen that he was really looking forward to.  Maybe if they were roommates he'd be able to understand the other man a little better.

 "Well, let's hope he doesn't bring someone back for couch sex while you're trying to sleep." 

 "Oh god Chad, don't go there."

 Chad smiled as he looked around the room.  "Plenty of room in here.  You're bed isn't going to fill up the space."

 "I'll have room for my desk in here too."  Jared answered back.  "Maybe a chair to sit back and read in."

 "You planning on spending all your time in your room?"

 Jared shrugged.  "I'm planning on living with Jensen.  I doubt we'll have a lot to talk about once shop talk is out of the way."

 "Yeah yeah."  Chad said, something unreadable in his eyes.  "Let's get your stuff moved in.  I want my bribe.”

 Jared shook his head as he walked out of his room.  He had a lot of work ahead of him if he wanted to be out of his boxes by the end of the weekend, but he really wanted to get it done.  He headed down to the elevator with Chad to get his stuff moved out of the truck. 

 

 **

Chad stayed late in the evening and when he left, Jared crawled into bed, praying that the work of the day and his tired muscles would lull him to sleep.  He wasn’t so lucky of course.  His body ached and his heart ached and his mind kept playing tricks on him.  Every time he closed his eyes he could imagine himself with Jeff, their things left unpacked because they’d put the bed together first and never got any further.  He thought about how they’d have broken in the bath tub with long soaks and heated kisses.  He saw himself walking up behind Jeff as he cooked Sunday breakfast, kissing the back of his neck and wrapping around him until breakfast was completely forgotten.

 He didn’t know when the tears had started but he found himself sobbing into his pillow without the ability to stop.  He knew he needed to get his act together.  The last week had been a disaster; trying to work with Jeff in such close proximity had him on the verge of a breakdown half the time.  His only saving grace, God help him, was Jensen.  Even if he didn’t know exactly what had happened, he’d made an effort to be close to Jared and back him up in their stupid meetings.  There’d been a couple times that he’d been asked questions without hearing them, or when Jensen had answered because he could see the emotion in Jared’s face and knew he couldn’t talk. 

 He knew Jensen was good at reading people, hell he bragged about it all the time, but he’d never seen him put it to a good use.  Jensen was a rather surprising person sometimes.  He knew that they bickered back and forth but mostly it was because Jared couldn’t imagine living his life the way Jensen did.  There was never a point in Jared’s life when sex for the sake of sex had been good enough.  He’d always been looking for the bigger connection, that person that made you feel whole and complete.  The fact that Jensen found meaningless sex completely fulfilling just seemed wrong to Jared.

 He took a couple of deep breaths and heard movement outside his room.  The blanket that covered the hole between his bedroom and the rest of the apartment was pulled slightly back at the bottom left hand corner and a glass was pushed under it.

 “Morphine.”  He heard Jensen say quietly.  “For the pain.”

 He didn’t feel like talking, but he found himself grabbing for the tissues and wiping his nose quickly before he picked up the glass of whiskey.  He pushed the blanket aside and walked out to find Jensen sitting on the couch, a replay of last night’s game playing mutely in the background as he sat sipping his own drink.

 Jared sat down beside him, silent but taking a drink as if that was thanks enough for everything that he’d done in the last week. 

 “It happened right afterwards.  Got so drunk I couldn’t see straight and…”  He indicated the whole in the wall.  “I don’t know man.  I couldn’t breath.  There was all this space and none of it felt right, like being here alone was some sort of death sentence and I was slowly suffocating.  I just… I needed air.  I thought, I don’t know, I needed more space, more ways to breath so I just grabbed a hammer and started banging away at that wall.”

 Jensen sighed and Jared watched him in awed surprise. 

 “It used to be Chris’s room.  He was a musician and he kept his equipment in there.”  Jensen shook his head, a fond smile on his face.  “I can’t count high enough to number the times I feel asleep, listening to him play or sing.  He’d be in there hours man, just working on a single song and I always thought, for every single one, that he was singing for me.”

 “Was he?”  Jared asked, unable to keep the question to himself.

 Jensen let out a huff as he lifted his glass half way to his lips.  “Yeah.”  He took a sip then sat in on his knee, staring into it as if it could hold the answers.  “I think he was.  But life’s not a musical Jay, and it doesn’t always end happily ever after.”

 Jared took a drink of whiskey and looked down into his as well.  It didn’t hold anymore answers than Jensen’s did, but somehow, staring into it, he didn’t feel quite so alone.

       

 **

Jared took a seat in the corner booth as Chad came up behind him, tray of food in hand.  They settled in with their food and Jared poked around at the salad that had come with his sandwich.  None of it looked appetizing, but nothing did these days.  Jensen had started keeping the fridge stocked full of Jared’s favorite things just to make sure he’d eat something and he grumbled about it all the time, mostly because Jared’s one AM ice cream binges were rarely solo anymore and Jensen said if he gained weight it was all Jared’s fault.  He didn’t know why he worried about it because honestly the man always had someone new in his bed and he was certain that not only did they appreciate the view, but that he was working off any amount of ice cream they ate.

 It was annoying to find himself face to face with the night’s conquest, as it inevitably happened each night, as they were completing their ice cream ritual.  It was stupid to feel jealous that someone else was interrupting the only moments of solitude he had anymore, but each time he felt like he was getting a closer understanding of Jensen, one of his little tramps would come out and spoil it.  It wasn’t so bad when it was the women because they seemed to like him well enough, but the night before it’d been some guy and as soon as he came out of Jensen’s bedroom he could feel the guy measuring him up.  Jensen had actually pushed the guy back into the bedroom to stop his glowering. 

 “What’s up with you man?”  Chad asked, fork half way to his mouth by the time he realized Jared hadn’t touched anything since they’d sat down.

 “Nothin’.  Just … you know how sometimes people get ideas about who I am just because of my size?  I’m just tired of it man.”

 “What happened?”

 “Jensen had some guy over and he totally went all caveman on me, sizing me up and I hate it.”

 “Could you take him?”  Chad asked with a smile.

 Jared shook his head.  “It’s not about that.”  He smiled then.  “But yeah I could have.  The thing is though, he’s sizing me up to see if I’m some sort of threat to him and Jensen.  I know, I know that Jensen doesn’t make any promises.  God I’ve heard enough of his lines by now to know that’s true, but it doesn’t keep the guys from thinking I’m the problem.”

 “Probably doesn’t help when Jensen plays mother hen.”

 “He does not.”

 “Does too.”

 “Anyway.” Jared said, trying to get back to the topic.  “I’m just tired of it.  I mean why do we even want this anyway Chad?  Tell me that.  What is it about us that makes us think that we have to have that one special someone?  Why do I need a soul mate?    Do you know that only 7% of all mammals practice monogamy?”

 “What the hell Jared?”

 “Sorry.  I watched a couple shows on this nature channel, but it’s true!  It said that 90% of birds are socially monogamous but I’m not a damn bird!  So why should I even bother getting involved in a monogamous relationship?  If you look at the statistics, everyone’s sleeping around so why should we even pretend anymore?  Think of it this way, if 12-26% of women are having affairs and 15-42% of men are, how can you find a secure relationship?  If you do the math that means 27-68% of all relationships have one cheating partner!  It’s not the days of our parents and grandparents when you had to stay with your significant other.  We can walk away now, and we do!”

 “But how can you manage to live in this world that lacks monogamy when it’s all you want?”  Jared asked.  “How can you find that someone special?  We live in a society that is no longer sexually monogamous and where the standard mating practice is serial monogamy, where we just jump from one bed into the next when we get tired of it.  What we need Chad, is to remind ourselves of who we are.  I don’t want to settle and I know there are others out there who don’t want to be the Jensen’s of the world but who are because they can’t handle being hurt.  We need… hell… a call to arms!  We need someone to stand up and say that it’s okay to want what you want.  It’s okay to stand tall against the odds and expect that relationship no matter what the world tells you.  We need someone because it’s fucking dark times Chad.  Everyone is just converting to their own brand of egocentric sologamy where no one is truly united with another, only themselves and thus they can move away from any and every relationship at the speed of their next date.”

 Chad stared at Jared for a moment, and then a small smile began to spread.  “That’s brilliant man.”

 “What?”

 “Seriously.  Now listen, I told you I managed to talk my boss into putting in a new article, just to feel things out and see how the audience takes it.  I think you should be the one to write it.”

 “What?  Chad, I’m not a writer.”

 “I’d rather have someone who knows what it’s like in the real world than some PhD with too much knowledge and no clue.  Come on Jared, we’ll make you a false name and you can write about your own miserably private existence.  Plus you’ll be doing me a huge favor because I want the article, but it’s not my type of thing to tackle.”

 “What would I even talk about Chad?”

 “All that stuff.  I mean, I get it.  We all work hard at the end of the day to try to find someone, but it’s all up hill because even when people sometimes think they’re looking for the same thing, it doesn’t always turn out that way.  It hurts and it sucks and you’re the rallying call my readers have been wanting!  Come on Jared… say you’ll do it…”

 

 **

 

 Jared took a look at Chad as he sat down in the chair beside his friend’s desk.  Chad had the computer up and running and he handed Jared a cup of coffee as he sat down to it.  “Tell me again why I’m here?”

 Chad smiled.  “You’re here because you are a great friend and you want to help me out?  Because you have a really interesting take on the world right now and at the worst we have a lot of fun, and you just might get a little catharsis out of this?”

 “Great.  So now you’re my therapist.”

 “Oh hell no.  I’m not listening to you talk about your love life.”

 Jared smiled at him.  “You do it all the time.”  Chad glared at him but he just continued to smile.  “So what do we do now?”

 “Now?  We need to make you.  So what do you think… Spencer?”

 “Spencer?”

 “For your name.  I always liked the name Spencer.  Spencer Casey?”

 “Too much like Tracey.”

 “McNally?”

 “I’d feel like a map.  What about Billington?”

 Chad nodded.  “Spencer Billington?”

 “I like it.”

 “Then Spencer Billington, let’s make you a star.”

 

 **

 

 “Alright people.  Where are we?”

 Jared sighed from his position next to Jensen.  He’d gotten used to sitting against the arm with Jensen digging into his side to keep Jeff from being too close.  Jeff refused to meet his eye, even weeks later and Jared wanted nothing more than to continue to act like Jeff didn’t exist.  It seemed to be working pretty well except at these meetings. 

 None of them answered Samantha and they all watched her eyeing them.  They all knew what she wanted but none of them were ever going to get it.  “I only want to hear about one thing.”  She crossed her hands under her breasts and sat at the edge of her desk.  Her assistant sat in the chair next to her desk, her expression carefully blank but her eyes almost begging someone to be able to answer.

 Jared could understand.  Once Samantha was on a rampage she was well and truly gone.  He’d caught more than one conversation between the two where Alona was taking the brunt of Samantha’s anger of their unavailable target.

 “Who is going to bring me Spencer Billington?”

 Jared stared at his hands, tying not to feel bad about how everyone was being treated over this.  No one, certainly not he nor Chad could have ever believed that the first article he’d written would end up as some sort of national phenomenon.  The article had been fun to write and it definitely helped to give him an outlet for his current displeasure in relationships.  His second article had come out three days ago and he had the third in the editing process at home. 

 “We’ve tried to get his information through the magazine,” Jensen finally answered.  “but they aren’t being very forthcoming.  Every time I call I get told something different.”

 Jeff looked over in Jared’s general direction.  “Doesn’t your friend work over there?  Can’t he tell you what’s happening?”

 Jared let out an angry huff.  “No actually.  What Chad says is that Spencer Billington doesn’t want to do interviews.  He’s a private person and he wants to write his articles and be left alone.  I’ve asked Chad to put in a good word for us to the writer so if he does change his mind we have a good chance.  Chad says it’s not looking very good though.”

 Samantha stared at him.  “Keep on him Jared.  This is our shot at the big times.  If we can get Spencer Billington when no one else can, we can get anyone.” 

 “I’ll stay on him.”

 “You too Jensen, do whatever it is you do with you sycophants to get this guy.  Both of you keep on him.”

 Jared looked over at Jensen for a brief second and saw the way the other man bristled quietly.  It wasn’t something most people would notice, but he’d been working with him a while and living together had only increased his knowledge of Jensen’s moods.  Considering how much Jensen and Chad fought he was surprised Jensen hadn’t walked out at Samantha’s insinuation. 

 Instead, Jensen smiled a tight lipped smile and stared at her.  “Are we done then?”

 Samantha seemed surprised by the tight tone, but she nodded.  “Alright, let’s go.”

 

**

Jared didn’t bother to do anything else after the meeting.  He’d left the office, gone home to an empty apartment, drank a few beers while he watched the game and then gone off to bed without sight or sound of Jensen.  He was annoyed for Jensen’s sake and upset that in some way he’d done that to him.  He wanted to explain it to him, to tell him why Chad wasn’t any help and that he was sorry that she’s made the implication that Jensen should sleep around to get her what she wanted.  He couldn’t confess what he’d done though and it only made him feel guiltier.  He wondered how many other people were being put in similar positions in other talk shows because Spencer Billington refused to come forth.  It really wasn’t very conducive to sleep.

It was close to three AM and the saying thank god it’s Friday had never seemed more applicable since he wouldn’t have been able to function the next morning if he’d had to go to work.  Sleep wasn’t coming this way and he’d already finished his book so he decided it was time for a late night snack.  He didn’t bother putting anything on, just walked out into the kitchen in his boxers and began rummaging through the fridge for anything interesting.

He came out with a take out box of chow mien noodles and another of dumplings.  He hopped up onto the counter and pulled a dumpling out.  He closed his eyes and tried to imagine what sleep would feel like just then, but nothing came.

“I guess I should call the police and tell them it was only my roommate raiding the refridgerator.” 

Jared opened his eyes and saw Jensen standing at the other end of the counter, his elbow perched on the wall beside him with his head leaning against it.  He nearly choked on the dumpling and looked around wildly trying to think of something that he could hide his mostly naked self with. 

 “Whatcha got there?”  Jensen pushed off the wall as he said it, coming over to stand next to Jared as he grabbed the other box off the counter. 

 “Late night munchies.”  Jared said when he’d managed to swallow his mouthful.

 Jensen smiled.  “Brillant.  You missed something though.”  He walked over to the fridge and came back with two bottles.  He twisted the caps off both before handing one of the beers over to Jared.  He extended the neck of his and Jared clicked it with his own before taking a long swig of it.

 “Good call.”  He said with a smile. 

 Jensen jumped up onto the counter with him and began digging into the noodles.  Jared watched in fascination as Jensen took a long noodle, held it up high, opened his mouth underneath and began lowering it. 

 Jared had always been aware of Jensen’s good looks.  It was hard to be in the same room without noticing those amazing eyes and that stunning smile, but he’d never been quite so aware of his tongue before.  He couldn’t help but watch as his tongue came out to help guide the noodle.  Jensen looked sideways at him and he could see the corners of his lips curl up slightly as he placed the end of the noodle in his mouth.

 “What?  You’ve never seen anyone eat a noodle before?”

 “Not like that.” 

 Jensen grinned at him and it was one of those mischievous ones that Jared had come to know only too well.  He pulled another noodle out of the carton and held it up, one end dangling close to Jared.  “Come on Jared, they’re good.”

 Jared shook his head as he jumped down from the counter..  “I’m good with my dumplings.”

 Jensen’s smile turned slightly pleading.  “Play along man.”  He said, grabbing Jared’s arm and pulling him closer until he was standing between Jensen’s legs.  “Just one noodle.  I promise I’ll be good.”

 Jared rolled his eyes as he sighed but Jensen seemed to take that as capitulation so he held the noodle up higher.  The tip fell lightly onto his tongue and he felt his own lips quirking in a smile.  Jensen lowered it into his mouth and Jared closed his lips around the last of it, catching Jensen’s fingers as well. 

 Jensen pulled back like he’d been burned, but when Jared looked up, embarrassed, there was nothing but humor in Jensen’s eyes.  “Sorry.”  He managed to get out as he ate the noodle. 

 “Knew you wanted a taste of me.”  Jensen said, flashing him his most charming smile.  “Everyone does.”

 Jared’s smile fell a little and he looked up at Jensen with an apologetic look on his face.  “About that… earlier today… Samantha…”

 “Don’t stress it Jared.”  Jensen said, shaking his head.  “Samantha says a lot of things and I generally ignore most of them.”

 “I just… it was out of line man.”  Jared said, his hands coming to rest on Jensen’s thighs as he talked.  “I can’t believe you didn’t say something to her.”

 “This why you’re up so late Jay?”

 Jared looked down and found himself staring at the space he was standing, the V of Jensen’s thighs, the way their bodies fit together, the press of his body close.  “I just couldn’t get clear of it.  Didn’t get to say I’m sorry she did that to you and it was bothering me.”

 Jensen touched his cheek and pulled Jared’s face up to look at him.  “Jesus Jared, don’t do this.  It’s her fault, not yours.”

 “Don’t tell me you’re up this late for anything else.  I know you too well Jensen.”

 Jensen gave a small smile, but he still hadn’t pulled his hand away from Jared’s face.  His thumb trailed a light path over his cheekbone.  “Yeah, well I was trying to work out my frustrations but that didn’t seem to help any.”

 “I bet.”  There was something charging the air but Jared couldn’t feel it in him to pull away.  There was something warm and safe where he was.  He felt Jensen moving closer, felt the pull of something and he didn’t know what was happening.

 “Jensen?”

 Jared stepped back as Jensen pulled his hand away, looking over his shoulder at the newcomer.  A man stood where Jensen had been leaning earlier, looking at them with a curious expression.  “More friends?”  He asked.

 Jensen gave a sharp huff as he jumped down.   “Not exactly your kind of friend.”

 “Jess woke up looking for you man.”  He said with a smile. 

 Jensen looked down sheepishly and Jared couldn’t help but smile at it.  “I don’t think you want to keep Jess waiting.”

 “Yeah, I’m coming.”

 The other man walked away and Jensen just sort of shrugged.  “Sorry.  I know you don’t want to know-“

 “It’s okay Jensen.  Not like I didn’t know there was someone in there.  Just surprised you brought a pair back.”

 Jensen ran a hand over the back of his neck.  “Well it was her idea.  I couldn’t very well leave her out of it.”

 “Better get going then.”

 “Yeah.”  He started to walk away, then stopped.  “Jared?  Thanks.  For being mad for me.”

 “Good night Jen.”

 Jensen’s lips quirked at the new nickname but he didn’t say anything else.  Instead he walked back into the room.

 Jared watched as Jensen turned around to close the door, their eyes meeting for a moment.  He saw the other man coming up behind him, watched him slide his arms around Jensen’s waist and lay a kiss on the back of his shoulder.  He saw his hand being grabbed by a much smaller one, her dainty arm trying to pull him back into the bed.  Jensen bit his lip lightly as if he were waiting for something but it was too much for Jared.  He broke eye contact and continued to look at the floor until he heard a soft giggle and the click of the door. 

 When he made it to his own bed, only one thought filled his mind.

 What the fuck?

 

**

 

“God I need a drink.”  Jensen said as he came up from behind Jared, reaching for a champagne glass. 

 Jared laughed into his glass.  “Tell me about it.”

 “I thought you liked this sort of thing?  You get to be all pretty and shiny and be the bell of the executive ball.”

 “You know you’re an ass, right?” 

 Jensen laughed and it made something in Jared’s chest tighten.  “Yeah yeah yeah.  And yet you still live with me.”

 “I could leave you, but I don’t think I would get over the apartment.”

 Jensen laughed again as he took a drink and clapped Jared on the back.  “Well that would explain it then.”  Jensen finished the one glass and grabbed two more.  When Jared looked over his shoulder he saw a short blond woman watching them from across the room.  “Don’t wait up Jay.”

 Jared watched him go with a shake of his head.  Trust Jensen to be able to pick someone up at a work party.  He watched him go and took another drink.  It’d been three weeks since they’d had that moment, the one idiotic moment when Jared had thought Jensen might be interested in him.  Not that it would have gone anywhere because they both had different ideas about sex and relationships and all that, but for one moment it had felt like the world had stopped spinning.

 Of course, the next morning neither of them had mentioned it and Jared was pretty sure nothing like that would ever happen again.  It was a good thing really because Jared was willing to admit, if just to himself, that he didn’t want to lose his friendship with Jensen.  He’d become too close to him over the years and a one night stand just wasn’t worth it. 

 “You know, if I have to listen to Samantha’s joke one more time...”

 Jared didn’t turn at the voice, but he felt a jolt run through him.  “Same one she tells every year.  You’d think she’d have caught on by now that we all know it already.”

 “But it’s just so… damn funny, right?” 

 Jared couldn’t help but smile as he looked at Jeff.  It was a Jeff who looked him in the eye and who gave him the smile that seemed to light the world.  “A barrel full of laughs.”  He took a drink of his champagne, not sure what else to do. 

 “Jared…” he said, the sound closer and he looked up to see Jeff moving into the space Jensen had recently moved away from.  “I…  I know I don’t have any right to say this to you but, I miss you.”

 Jared closed his eyes for a moment, trying to stop the racing of his heart. 

 “I know I don’t deserve a chance to explain this, but I’d like to.  Would you let me call you sometime?  Maybe we can get together and talk?  I can’t stand this distance between us.”

 Part of him wanted to yell that he was the cause of the distance in the first place but before he even knew he was thinking about it, he heard himself saying “I’d like that.”

 Jeff’s head dipped slightly in a way that Jared knew was both pleased and embarrassed.  When Jeff looked back up at him, he motioned across the room.  “We could walk around a bit?  Catch up?”  He offered.

 Jared wasn’t sure what to do, but he’d spent so much time waiting for Jeff, wanting him back in his life so he could fix whatever he’d done.  He was afraid to go and afraid to stay.  When he looked up and across the room though, he saw Jensen watching him.  He gave a half smile, but Jensen was glaring.  He could feel his anger from across the room and it flipped something in Jared.  He’d been wondering what it was that had almost happened that night, but Jensen knew how much Jared had loved Jeff.  How could he begrudge him this? 

 He smiled back at Jeff, ignoring his roommate as he nodded.  “Yeah Jeff, I think I’d like that.”

 

**

Jared took a deep breath, trying to wait it out without giving away his nervousness.  He shouldn’t be nervous really.  This wasn’t their first date or anything.  Hell, they’d been ready to move in together, but this was their first date since Jeff had started pulling away from him and Jared could hardly believe he was getting a second chance. 

 “Are you done yet?”  Jared asked through the bathroom door.  Oh yeah.  He was the king of subtle.

 The bathroom door opened and Jensen stepped out.  “You got a hot date or something you need to get all spruced up for?”

 He almost didn’t hear the words because he was looking at Jensen in a black suit with a black tie and a green shirt that was so dark it was hard to tell it wasn’t black.  “Damn Jen.  Got yourself looking all pretty for someone tonight.”  He managed to get out.  “Who’s the lucky guy?  Or girl?  Or couple?”

 “Going stag tonight Jared.”  Jensen said with a smile.  “Hey, why don’t you come with me?  Two guys, out looking for a little fun?”

 “So that you can drop me on my ass the first sight of someone else’s?”  He asked.  “No thanks.  I’ll just be here.  Might stay up to watch the ball drop.  Or not.  Don’t know.  Hell I might just go to bed right now.”

 Jensen looked sad as he shook his head.  “Don’t do this Jay.  Not for him.”

 “Do what?  I don’t know what you’re talking about Jensen.”  He said defensively.  Jared didn’t like lying about this but he knew that bringing up Jeff would only make Jensen upset and would start some kind of fight that he didn’t want tonight.

 Jensen snorted at him but he walked past and grabbed the note pad they kept on the counter by the phone.  “Here’s the address I’ll be at.  If you change your mind, you don’t even have to call.  Just tell them you’re there to see me.  No matter what, I’ll be there until the ball drops.”

 “Seriously man, I’m probably just going to sleep through the night.”

 Jensen gave him the same sad look but let it go.  He left five minutes later and Jared was jumping in the shower to try to get ready in time for Jeff to show.

 

**

Only Jeff never showed.  Five minutes late and Jared started to get nervous.  At a quarter after nine he was feeling antsy but told himself that Jeff could be lost.  He’d never been to Jensen’s apartment after all, so it was possible. 

 After thirty minutes he called Jeff’s cell phone and left a message, asking if he was having trouble finding the place.

 At a quarter to ten he called again, asking where Jeff was.

 At ten fifteen he admitted defeat.  He called Jeff one last time, asking what had happened, why he didn’t show up, but as soon as the call was over he slumped down onto the couch and stared at the hole in his bedroom wall and understood exactly what Jensen had meant that night.  God, he was such an idiot.  He should have listened to Jensen tonight. 

 He wished Jensen was there, knew that the solid presence of his roommate would make him feel more centered, but Jensen wasn’t there.  Jared found himself walking to Jensen’s room and he threw himself down on the other man’s bed.  He closed his eyes, just relaxing on the bed that Jared was surprised to find was actually big enough to fit him.  “Well it should.”  He said aloud.  “You have enough people in here sometimes, guess you would need something big enough to fit me.”

 It made him feel better when he imagined Jensen laughing at him.  He took a deep breath, taking in the scent of the other man and gripped the pillow in his hands.  He felt his body shaking and he tried to ignore it, but Jensen’s bed, his scent was comforting and he needed that more than anything.  Against his wishes he found tears falling down his face and onto Jensen’s pillow.

 At eleven, Jared was calmed down and feeling guilty about the wet spot on Jensen’s pillow.  He went to the bathroom, blew his nose and washed his face to get rid of the evidence of his misery.  It did more than that.  Looking at himself in the mirror, he was angry.  He thought about Jensen, about the way he’d asked him not to wait for Jeff tonight.  He thought about that missed moment and decided he needed to get the hell out so he didn’t think about those two things all night long.

 At eleven thirty the cab arrived and Jared gave him the address Jensen had left with him.

 At eleven forty five, Jared stared up at the club, wondering if this was his smartest move or not.  He decided it couldn’t be worse than the other decisions he’d made tonight so he told the bouncer he was there with Jensen and got a wink and a friendly smile for it which made him feel a little sick, but he went in anyway.

 At eleven fifty five he was pushing through the crowd of people towards what he thought was Jensen.  The sea of people wouldn’t let up though.  When he got to the spot there was no sign of Jensen and Jared began to feel that sinking panic again.  Jensen said he’d be here.  He’d invited Jared so he had to be here.

 At eleven fifty nine the ball began to drop and Jared was in full blown panic.  He looked around wildly and for one instant felt himself calm as he looked up at the stairs and he took a step closer.  Only there was someone else with Jensen and as he watched, a taller man press Jensen into the wall of the steps, his lips crashing down onto Jensen’s as the crowd continued its countdown. 

 Jared felt his control leaving and he pushed out of the club before he could disgrace himself in front of everyone.  It took him a good five minutes to get through the crowd of happily kissing couples and he thought he heard his name called once, but when he glanced back at the stairs Jensen was gone and Jared had a pretty good idea of what his roommate was already doing with the strange guy he’d managed to pick up tonight.

 He walked home, didn’t bother with a cab and when he got there he went straight to bed, burying his head in his own pillow this time, sobbing until the frantic energy of the night caught up with him and he fell into troubled sleep.

 

 **

Jared was running late the next morning, mostly because he’d turned his alarm off so he wouldn’t have to see whoever it was Jensen had brought home that night.  He heard them moving through the apartment, heard the husky voice that Jensen had, post sex, and groaned under his pillow at how messed up was that he even knew what the different sounds of Jensen’s voice were.

 When he finally made it to work he lucked out as he walked into the elevator, coming face to face with Jeff.  He nearly stepped back out, but a couple more people stepped in behind him and he had no choice but to turn around and wait for the ride to their floor.  Jeff scooted closer, “Jared…”

 “What?”  He glared at the other man, daring him to talk about this where they were.  Jeff swallowed whatever he was going to say, his eyes wide and obviously not used to an angry Jared.

 When the door opened, Jared ran out, practically running into Samantha.  “Oh, sorry Samantha.”  He managed to stumble out. 

 She smiled widely at him.  “Seems like we all had a rough night last night.”  He voice was light and teasing in a way it hadn’t been in a long time.  He might have wondered about that, even been happy for her, but she didn’t seem to notice.  “Jensen’s the only one in my office and it’s meeting time.  Jared, JD, you coming?”

 Jared’s eyes went wide as Jeff gave a small laugh.  “Sure Samantha.  Let me set my bag down and I’ll be right in.”

 “Coffee…” He managed to croak out before they both walked away.  He was hyperventilating in his office when Jensen came looking for him. 

 “Jared, we have a meeting in, what the hell?  Jared?  You okay?”

 “JD.  It’s Jeff.  Jeff is JD.”

 “Alright I’ll play along.  Jeff is JD.  I’m JR you’re JT.  I have no idea what Samantha would be, but I could think of a few things.”

 “She’s Sammy.”

 “What?”  Jensen must have realized that something was seriously going wrong when he grabbed Jared by the arm.  “Jared, talk to me man.  You’re starting to scare me.”

 “JD.  Jeff, he said his girlfriend, the one he loved and then left and then needed time and… his girlfriend… Sammy…”

 “Oh hell.”  Jensen said, taking a seat.  “Jeff is JD.”

 “Jeff is JD.”  Jared agreed, feeling his hands clench and his anger from the night before coming back into play.

 “Jared, come on man.  You’ve managed to keep it together this long.  We can make it through this meeting.”

 “I don’t think I can.”

 “You can.”  Jensen said, grabbing both of Jared’s arms and making him look at him.  “I’ll get you through it Jay, just stay with me alright?”

 He nodded because he didn’t have any other choice.  He needed this job, and hell, he liked his job.  He liked Samantha and the show and the different people it let him interact with on a daily basis.  He had been able to work with Jeff after the break up.  He had to do this.  He took a deep breath and followed Jensen out of the office, grabbing coffee to make his absence unremarkable.

 The first thing Jared saw when they walked into the office was how close Jeff was to Samantha as he leaned over the desk to talk to her.  It was intimate, the way they leaned closer to one another.  The second was the way Jeff flinched away as Jensen announced their presence with a “Time to rock.”

 Samantha was smiling like all was right with the world and Jared had no need to guess where Jeff had been last night.

 “Alright people.  It’s a new year and we need to get on this.  This is going to be there year that Ferris-isms makes it big.  You all know what that means.  I want the people no one else can get.”  She looked over at Jared who had taken his place at the end of the couch beside Jensen. 

 “Where are we on Spencer Billington?  There has to be something people.  He is the only one that no one can seem to pin down.”

 Jared shrugged.  “Same as the last time we discussed this.  Mr. Billington is not doing interviews.”  He knew his voice sounded angry but he couldn’t help it.  Not only was Samantha stealing the man he’d loved, but now she doubted his ability to do his job? 

 “You know, I don’t get his popularity anyway.”  Jensen interrupted.  Jared knew it was to cut him off, to keep him from getting upset.  It was the wrong way to do it though, because Jensen didn’t know anything he said about Spencer Billington he was saying about Jared also.

 “I agree with Jensen actually.  I mean, I don’t get him.”  Jeff butted in.  “This guy writes an article about how it’s not human nature to remain monogamous.  If he can make that comment how can he turn around and say that we have to accept it, but then say that we need to raise our standards?  It is either in our nature or it isn’t.  How do we accept what is when we turn around and make up fantasies about what we want?”

 Jared felt his hands clenched.  “No, I don’t suppose you would get it.  Either one of you.”  He said, standing up from his seat.  “It isn’t surprising that you’d misunderstand the whole thing.  It’s not about what is human nature, it’s about finding someone that has the same beliefs that you do before you manage to get yourself too far in.  It’s about understanding human nature and understanding that it’s okay to look and it’s okay to talk about it.  That the urges are just that, and in a loving and caring relationship we can talk about it and decide what is best for both partners.  Maybe it’s not in human nature to be monogamous, but that doesn’t mean it has to be in human nature to cheat on someone you’re supposed to care about!”

 He was too upset and he knew it.  Jensen’s eyes were wide and Jeff looked ready to dive behind the couch.  He didn’t dare look at Samantha to see her reaction.  He simply walked out, too frustrated and angry to think he could get through this any longer.

 

 **

 

 “I can’t believe you did that man.”  Chad said as he grabbed another shot and tipped it back.  “Although I’d have loved to have seen the look on their faces when you did.  Bet Jensen looked like you’d punched him.”

 Jared shrugged, taking his own shot.  “They deserved it.  I mean honestly, who are either of them to talk about it?  What would they know about monogamy?”  He knew it was unfair even as he said it, knew about Chris and how much it had hurt Jensen, but that didn’t make it any easier to listen to him criticize him.  The real ass kicker was that he knew if Jensen had known it was Jared’s work they were all talking about, he’d disagree with it, but find a way to sugar coat it enough that Jared might feel annoyed, but would generally get the critique for what it was. 

 “I’m not sure what surprises me most, that you blew up, that everyone is still trying to get Billington to talk, or that you showed up at my office looking like you were about to commit murder.”

 “Good thing I’m too drunk to regret bringing you along.”  He looked up then, saw Jensen in the door of the bar and groaned.  “Damn it.”

 Chad looked over and Jared saw something in the look that made him wonder what really happened when Jensen and Chad got to talk to one another alone. 

 “Nice to see you decided to take the rest of the day off.”  Jensen said as he came over.  He ordered three shots and downed them one after another before Jared could think of something to say that would cover what had happened.

 “I had to go back to Samantha and apologize for you.  You have any idea how bad the taste in my mouth is right now?”

 Jared closed his eyes.  “I didn’t ask you to Jensen.  You don’t need to apologize for me, especially not to her.”

 “No I don’t Jared but considering how you just left I figured someone had to do something.  You think Jeff was going to come to your rescue?”

 “I didn’t need rescuing!”  He yelled.

 “Fine.  Then you can tell Samantha I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about and you can explain how you took your anger about her and her happily ever after out on me and Jeff.  You can explain why and how and hell, I’ll go with you because I’d love to see what you have to say about it all.”

 Jensen took a shot out of Chad’s hand and downed it, then turned and walked away with a simple “Thanks Chad.”

 Jared watched him go with a shake of his head.  When he looked at Chad, he was doing the same thing.  “You’re such an idiot Padalecki.”  He said.  “Go after him.”

 “What?”

 “He did something huge, and totally against his nature I might add, by going to Samantha for you.  He deserves better than an “I didn’t ask you too” from you.”

 Jared looked down guiltily.  “Yeah.”  Chad handed him another shot and Jared took it, shooting it down and smiling softly at Chad.  “Thanks man.  I don’t deserve a friend like you.”

 “Yeah, I know.” 

 Jared left with a laugh which was better than he’d been doing the entire day.  He made his way back to his apartment and only hesitated a second before knocking on Jensen’s bedroom door. 

 “Come on in Jared.”  The other man’s voice was tired.

 Jared walked in and bit his tongue to keep from saying anything embarrassing.  Jensen was standing with his back to the door, wearing a pair of loose grey sweatpants.  He hadn’t put a shirt on and his feet were bare.  When he turned around Jared had a clean view of Jensen’s muscular torso.  “My face is up here Jared.”  He said and when Jared looked up there was a smirk on Jensen’s face.  “Don’t get any ideas.  I don’t do rebounds.”

 “I didn’t know there was anyone you wouldn’t do.”  The words were out of his lips before he realized it and he watched as Jensen’s smirk crashed down into an angry glare. 

“God, I’m sorry Jensen.  I didn’t mean that.  I just… crap I don’t mean to take this out on you.”

 “Well you’re doing a great job of it.”  Jensen sat down at the edge of his bed and Jared moved across the room to stand by him.  “Look Jared, I know you’re upset.  But you have to let this go.  Jeff isn’t the knight in shining armor that you want him to be.  He never was.  He was always cheating Jared.  He cheated on her with you and then on you with her.  This idea you have of what someone is supposed to be is insane.  You can’t expect someone to be everything you need Jared.  It doesn’t work that way and as long as you continue to think if, you’re just going to get hurt.  You create this perfect man in your head and it’s no more helpful to find him than it is for me to be out every night with another person.  It’s just denying reality and you have to accept that you can’t always have what you want.”

 “No, that’s not true.”

 “Why?”  Jensen asked.  “Why isn’t it true?  Tell me how wrong I am, why I’m wrong.  Explain it to me.”

 “It can’t be true.  It’s not about me and my ideal man.  It’s human nature. It has to be human nature.”

 “Why Jay?”

 Something in his tone made Jared’s chest loosen and he felt his whole face crumple.  “Because if it’s not human nature, if it’s not some flaw in understanding or communication, then it’s just me.”

 “Jesus.”  He felt Jensen grab him, felt himself pulled down onto the bed with Jensen’s arms wrapped around him.

 “It’s just me no one wants to say with.  It’s just me that they cheat on or with or whatever.  It’s just me that no one wants.”  He didn’t want to, but he felt warmer and safer than he had in a long time and the smell of Jensen brought back the memory of crying into his pillow the night before and he couldn’t help the association so he found himself letting it go, letting his tears fall against Jensen’s naked chest.  Jensen’s arms wrapped him tighter and the last thing he remembered was Jensen’s soothing voice telling him it was alright and that he would take care of him.

 

 **

 Jared work early, as always preferring to be awake and showered before the rest of the world even thought about waking.  This was normally where he met Jensen’s conquest of the night as they tried to hurry away from Jensen’s bed in time to get back to their normal lives.

 Only this time, Jared woke to find himself the one in Jensen’s bed.  He blinked for a few minutes trying to figure out how this had happened when he remembered the previous day.  He groaned and felt Jensen’s arms wrap around him tighter, pulling him closer to his chest than before. 

 He closed his eyes, trying to think his way out of this.  He knew he’d been a mess the night before and that Jensen had been a godsend.  He just didn’t know how to deal with it. 

 He looked up at Jensen and bit his lip lightly at the sleeping face of his roommate.  Alright, in his own mind he could call him friend, even if he wasn’t so sure if Jensen would mock him for it or not. Jensen had always been… well… something for Jared.  He’d always been there, since they first met and being roommates had seemed to make it stronger.  Jared tried to be there for Jensen too but the man could put his emotions past him so fast that it sometimes made him wonder how he’d ever gotten past Chris. 

 He pulled away slightly and was relieved when Jensen let go of him and rolled over onto his side.  He carefully crawled out of bed and walked towards the door.  He stopped before he went out though, looking at Jensen again.  There was something beautiful about him when he slept.  He was always stunning, with the green eyes that always saw through his bullshit to the lips that quirked into a smirk and a laugh that could reach him through any fog.  In sleep though, any trace of sarcasm and bitter humor was erased and he was just… beautiful. 

 Jared walked out then, unsure of what he’d say to Jensen when he woke up.  He took a quick shower and decided that the best way to deal with all of this was to get to work and get back into routine.  He’d see Samantha when she came in, ignore the hell out of Jeff, and maybe treat Jensen to lunch in order to bribe him to keep his silence. 

 That was the plan and when Jared walked out the door he was ready for it.  What he wasn’t ready for was the phone call he got as he opened his car door.

**

 

Jared sat by the bed, his head resting on the mattress as he pulled himself together again.He’d managed to leave a message on Jensen’s cell before he’d fallen apart completely.Jensen would take care of things at work; he always did when Jared needed him to.He looked up at Chad and sighed, trying to let go of the fear and pain and focus on the fact that Chad was alive, that he was still healthy.

Chad stirred and Jared looked up, watching for Chad to wake up completely.“Hey sleeping beauty.”

Chad smiled, then smirked because it pulled at the bandage on his face.“Thought I told you to go home.”

“You tried to send me home.I didn’t listen though.”

Chad sat up and Jared reached for the bed remote and put it in the right position for him.Chad just rolled his eyes at him, but he spent five minutes telling Jared how to make it just right.“Don’t you have work or something?”

“Well… considering the way things went yesterday and me not showing up this morning, it’s possible that I don’t.”

Chad shook his head.“Nah, Jensen covered for you.You’d be screwed without him, you know?”

Jared laughed.“Yeah, pretty much.Too bad.Nice guy, great package, but the completely wrong ideas about relationships.”

Chad looked at him, shaking his head.“You’re an idiot Jared.”He said.

Jared looked at him in surprise because there was nothing teasing in his tone.“What are you talking about Chad?”

“Look, it’s not that I don’t appreciate you being here.I’m still… a little freaked about the car crash to tell you the truth, but sometimes you can’t see through your perception of people to get what they’re trying to tell you.”

“What are you trying to tell me then Chad?”He asked.

Chad shook his head.“If I thought for one minute that Jensen would actually fess up…”  He said.  “You know I had a crush on you when we first met?”

Jared laughed.“Yeah, for about three days and then you met that girl.”

Chad smiled.“Yeah.Well, I got over the crush but it took a lot longer to get over you.”

“Chad, if you’re trying to tell me something it might work better if you spoke clearly.”

“I lost my crush but you because my best friend and there was nothing I wouldn’t have done for you.I was completely in love with you.”

Jared sat up straight, trying to process that information.

“And I know you never knew.You never took a single hint at what I was trying to tell you.I was too afraid of screwing up our friendship to just tell you what I felt.It took me years to get over that.You... you get people in your head Jared and you think you know who they are and why they do things but you never allow that people might grow or be different from that perception.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is Jared. And I took advantage of that with this article and I’m sorry.I knew you were caught up on Jeff, knew that you were still looking at him with that immediate perception of knight in shining armor and I didn’t try to talk you out of it, I didn’t try to get you to see clear of it.I kept telling myself that it was because you wouldn’t listen, but really, I think it was a bit of jealousy.I mean, I moved past the love thing a while back, but it was nice to be the one you hung with again.”He shrugged.“I want you to be happy Jared.You want to be loved and you want to find love and the whole time you have someone who wants to be everything you need.You just won’t look at him.”

“Chad…”

“I’m not talking about me now Jared.”He said with a sigh.

“Who then?”

“That’s something you need to figure out.You need to look at the people in your life and be honest Jared.Honest about them and about yourself.Because I think if you look hard enough, you’ll find out that you feel the same.”

 

**

Jared stood in the green room, watching the excitement as everyone got ready.Chad’s comments the day before were still a little fuzzy in his head, but he’d made a decision then.Chad was right about one thing.He needed to be honest and he wasn’t doing that.Not with anyone.He’d whipped open his cell phone and put the call in to Samantha to set everything into action even while he’d been trying to figure it all out.

He’d lost Jeff, nearly lost his job, what might possibly have been a great relationship according to Chad’s admission of his former feelings, most of which had been learned after he’d got the call about Chad’s accident.It was still a shock at how close he’d come to almost losing his best friend.

“Where the hell is he?”Jensen asked in Jared’s ear.

“He’s here.Don’t worry so much Jensen.I told you he was here but he wanted to remain quiet about it until the show started.”

“I don’t like this.”

Jared smiled.“I know.”

He nodded to Samantha as the cameras were fixed on her.The set was a beautiful blue with light brown accents and a few pink undertones that softened it up slightly.Samantha herself was a beautiful woman, her business suit making her look professional but with the added cut up the skirt and lower jacket that gave a hint of sexuality.

She smiled at the cameras and it was something worth looking at.He could see what Jeff wanted in her, could understand the attraction and part of him uncoiled because he knew that she had no idea what had happened to him.Samantha might be driven but she wasn’t hateful like that.

“Hello my friends and welcome again to my little part of the world.Ferris-isms.”She said, preparing her audience for the day’s guest.“I think today’s guest needs little introduction so instead of telling you about Spencer Billington, I’m going to tell you why I asked him onto our show.”

She sat down and the audience calmed with her words.“A few months back I had a falling out with the man that I love.”She said.Her charisma was in the way she made people feel like she was talking straight to them, making them more of a companion than a viewer and even Jared felt pulled in by her.Beside him though he could feel Jensen, could feel his tension as he kept him company in what he knew Jensen feared would be another melt down like the one two days before.

“The first time I read Billington’s words I was sad and alone and felt the world had crumpled on me.At first, I didn’t understand but I was fascinated so I kept reading.It wasn’t until the third article came out that it really hit me.The idea that we aren’t communicating out needs, that we have to take action in our own lives, our own relationship, it was like a light had come on in my head.So what did I do?I turned myself around folks.”She said with a grin.“I went out and grabbed my man and I brought him back to me.I told him who I really was, who I wanted to be, and that I wanted it to be with him.And the funny thing was, so did he.We still wanted the same things, but our inability to explain it, to talk to one another had caused us to grow further and further apart.It’s thanks to Spencer Billington that I stand here today, as happy as I have ever been.”

She stood up then.“Now please, if he’s touched your life as he’s touched mine, join me in welcoming him to our hearts for the next hour.”

She started clapping and the audience joined in.Jared was taken back by it all and he hesitated.He had no idea what to say to those waiting people.

“Jared, where is he?”Jensen demanded in his ear.

It brought him out of his stunned silence and he took a deep breath.“He’s here.”He said without looking back at Jensen.

He took the few steps to get into the camera and watched Samantha’s questioning eyes.“Jared, where is Mr.Billington?”

“Right here.”He said with a sad smile.“I wrote the articles under the assumed name Spencer Billington.”

There was a hint of anger in her eyes but it was only the fact that he’d known her for so long that let him see it.Instead of addressing her, he turned to the audience though, finding it easier to look at them.“The thing is, I was in a bad place.I’d been through a break up and I didn’t want to face the truth about it.I started looking through everything I could find, wondering what it was about people that made them so different from the animal world.I mean, sometimes it’s not so different, but we do have our advantages.Like cable tv and french fries.”He said with a grin.The audience laughed with him and he felt his tension loosen up a little bit.

“The truth is, I was wrong about it all.We are animals, yes, but the one thing that makes us different, the thing that keeps us going and hoping and trying to make ourselves better, is that fact that we can choose to.It’s not that people have the inclination to monogamy or not, it’s the choices we make.”

“We look at the people around us and judge them worthy or not.We put them in boxes that say work only, or play only, or serious, or maybe the one.But we don’t look at them the way they deserve unless they fit in to the category we want them too.We look for the right person and we ignore all the people that are in our lives, wanting to give us the chance to prove they are something more, that they can meet up to the standards we have.”

Jared laughed bitterly as he ran a hand though his hair.“Honestly, for all that I’ve made up my mind about the perfect man, all I really want is someone to love me.I want someone who takes care of me when I feel like hell.Who doesn’t make fun of me for eating late at night when I can’t sleep.Someone who…”

He looked over and saw Jeff watching, saw the sadness in his face and realized that it wasn’t Jeff he was talking about at all.“Someone who takes the shit for you when you can’t face it.Someone who apologizes for you when they shouldn’t.Someone who forgives you for it anyway and lets you fall into bed with them just because you need to be close to someone.”

He looked around and there was no sign of Jensen.“I’m sorry.”He looked at the audience and then back to Samantha.“I’m sorry, but I have to go find him.”

Her mouth dropped open as she followed his eyes to the dropped headsets on the floor where Jensen normally stood.“Well I’ll be damned.”He heard her say, but he was already running.

Jeff called after him but he was nothing more than a blur as Jared stopped only briefly asking if anyone had see Jensen.Someone saw him grab his jacket and leave.He headed back to the apartment but there was no one there.He knew he could just stay there, that Jensen would have to come home eventually but he couldn’t sit still.Not now.

His phone rang and he picked it up when he saw it was Chad.“Everything all right?”He asked absently.

“Can I say I told you so?”

“You knew?”

“Man’s been nuts for you for years Jared.Why’d you think we didn’t get along when we met?Just a bunch of territorial jackasses really.”

Jared wanted to smack him but what came out was a half laugh.“I hate you.”

“I love you Jared, seriously man, what you just did on live TV, Samantha’s eating it up right now actually.You should demand a raise because her ratings are going to soar.”

“I have to go Chad.”

“Check the bar Jared.”

“What?How did you know-?”

“I’m your best friend Jared.Now go find Jensen.When he’s upset you know he goes for the bar looking for something to take his mind off... well... his mind.”

“Yeah.Yeah.And… I do love you Chad.”

He heard the sigh that was fond exasperation “I know Jared.Good luck.”

He closed his phone then and left the apartment.

When he entered the bar it didn’t take long to find Jensen.He was at the back and even though it was still early, the Friday night crowd always started around noon.He was leaning against a wall, some woman laughing as she pressed her fingers to his chest.Jared saw red in ways he hadn’t before and part of him reveled in the feeling while another part tried to pull back.He needed to be calm or Jensen was going to bolt like he already had.

Only Jensen saw him and his eyes turned cold.He said something to the woman and she walked away unhappily.Before Jared could approach him though Jensen was out the back door.Jared made a run for it, knowing that the regulars would be asking a lot of questions the next time they came in.He didn’t care.

Jensen was walking back towards the apartment when Jared caught him by the arm, spinning him around.

“What the hell Jared?”

“Jensen, let me explain.”

“The part where you’re full on psycho, or the part where you take your psychosis and push it on millions of readers?”

“I’m sorry Jensen.”

Jensen shook his head.“No.”

“No?”

“No, I’m not going to let you explain.Not here, maybe not anywhere else, but certainly not here and not until I’ve had at least two shots of something.”

Jared nodded, letting Jensen walk ahead of him.He could see the tension in Jensen’s shoulders and he hated that he had something to do with it.The silence was telling, but he ignored it so he could try to think of what to say to Jensen.Jensen didn’t use words to express what he was feeling, he just did things, but Jared wasn’t like that.He needed to be told things, need to say them himself.

When they go to the apartment they both threw their jackets off.Jensen went to the fridge and grabbed a couple beers while Jared found the jack and the shot glasses.“Taking me at my word?”Jensen asked as he set a beer in front of Jared.

“Felt like I needed a few too.”Was all he said as he took the bottle and poured the line of shots.

He downed the first two and reached for the third one just in time to watch Jensen throw his second back.He watched the line of the other man’s throat as he swallowed the liquid, watched his throat work it down and had to close his eyes as his imagination took off.

“Jesus Jared.” Jensen said suddenly, gripping Jared’s arm as he snapped his eyes back open.He was pulled closer to Jensen, until Jensen reached up and pulled Jared’s lips down to his.There was nothing tentative about the kiss and Jensen licked his way into Jared’s mouth, their tongues sliding wet and slick across one another.He wrapped his arms around Jensen and pulled him closer, wanting more than just the taste of jack in his mouth.

He felt one of Jensen’s hands come up to grip his forearm and the other cupped his face.He moaned into Jensen’s mouth and tried to follow it as Jensen pulled away.“Jen…”

“My room Jared.Now.”He said, pulling his shirt over his head as he walked away.Jared took a moment to watch the retreating back, watch the muscles that moved as he walked away.

“Jared, the more naked you are by the time you get there, the better this works.”

Jared laughed lightly as he started undoing the buttons of his shirt and toeing off his shoes.He kept his eyes on Jensen who had stopped half way to slide his pants down leaving him completely naked.Jared slid his shirt off and his shoes were already kicked across the floor when Jensen looked back at him.

There was no smile on his face, just heat and want and desire in his eyes and Jared crossed the room quickly, forgetting about anything other than having Jensen pressed to him.He pulled him in, lips and tongues meeting even as Jensen pushed Jared towards the bedroom.They didn’t lose contact as they made their way to the room and it was only when Jensen backed him into the wall and pulled away that he realized they’d got there.

He tried to pull Jensen to him but he dropped to his knees instead.“You came overdressed again Jared.”Jensen said, his hands working at the front of Jared’s pants.He bit his lip to keep from groaning at the sight of Jensen on his knees and even that didn’t help when Jensen’s hands began pulling his pants and boxers down his hips.

Jared stepped out of his pants and Jensen’s fingers began running up his thigh.As they came higher, one hand gripped his hip and the other came into contact with his cock.Jared moaned loudly and he heard soft laughter before Jensen swallowed him down.

His hands fell to Jensen’s hair and he restrained himself from bucking up into that warm heat.Jensen’s fingers began working their way up his thigh again and this time they didn’t stop until they were cupping his balls, rolling them lightly as Jensen took him deeper and deeper.

“God Jen… gotta stop.Can’t last this way…”

Jensen pulled off him, standing up and demanding another kiss before resting his forehead against Jared’s.“What do you want Jay?You wanna last or you want me to finish this now?”

“I… I…”

“Tell me Jay.Tell me what you want.I’ll give you anything, just tell me.”

“Want you Jen.Want… I want to be inside you.”

Jensen kissed him again, hard and fast and he was gasping with it when Jensen backed away, pulling lube and condoms from the bedside drawer before falling back onto the bed.He held a hand out to Jared.

Jared took a deep breath as he looked at the naked man before him.“You’d let me…”

Jensen smiled as he rolled his eyes.“What part of I trust you don’t you get?”

“The part where I deserve it.”He crawled across the bed though, crawling over Jensen’s naked form and attached himself to Jensen’s mouth again.As he was, his body was aligned perfectly with Jensen’s and their cocks rubbed against one another when he thrust his hips.Jensen moaned into his mouth and before Jared could think any further, he felt Jensen pushing the bottle into his hand.

“Not gonna last if you don’t do this now.”Jensen said and Jared took the hint. He kissed his way down Jensen’s chest, stopping to lap at each nipple before moving to his stomach.He brushed his nose through the patch of hair that Jensen’s cock rested on before taking it into his mouth.

The taste was nothing but Jensen, pure and intoxicating and he forced his brain to work enough to slick his fingers up.When he pressed one inside Jensen he moaned at how tight the man was.“Come on Jared, I can take more than that.”Jensen said, pushing back into Jared’s hand.

Jared pushed a second finger in and moaned in time with Jensen.He didn’t give him much time to adjust to the second finger before pressing a third in.He worked him good with three fingers then, watched as Jensen thrust back into this hand and smiled as his eyes shot open when Jared sat up, removing his fingers and his mouth from Jensen’s body.He slid the condom on, slicked himself up good then with Jensen’s eyes on his hands the whole time.

When Jared pushed into him he bit back any sound, but he had to stop and catch his breath or he knew he’d lose it.“Come on Jay, move for me.”He heard Jensen say and he did then, looking up at the other man until he needed more.

He pushed all the way in as he brought their lips together again, Jensen’s hands wrapped around his shoulders keeping him close.Their hips worked together, Jared pulling out and Jensen rolling his hips in just the right way.When Jared sat up, his arms supporting his weight as he drove into Jensen, he couldn’t help but be amazed by the man beneath him.One of his hands came up to cup Jared’s face and he leaned into it, let it ground him until he hit Jensen’s prostate and the man’s hips practically few off the bed.

Jared laughed as it happened and did it again, making sure to keep the same pattern and rhythm to hit the spot over and over.Jensen reached down with one hand to grab his cock but Jared knocked his hand away, doing it himself.

He stroked up and down Jensen’s cock in time with his hips and he could feel Jensen’s tremors as he fell apart.He came over Jared’s hand and splashed across his stomach.His muscles clamped around Jared’s cock and it was enough to send him over the brink as well.He came with Jensen’s name on his lips and the sound of his own in his ears.

He collapsed into Jensen, lips and tongues continuing when the rest of them was too tired to.Jared pulled out of him a few minutes later, removing the condom and throwing it into the trash by his bedside.

He wasn’t sure where to settle himself then, but Jensen solved it by pulling him down into his arms.“Come on Jay.Just let it all go for a while.”

Jared nodded as he settled in, just the way he had two nights before, with Jensen’s arms around him, his head laying on Jensen’s warm skin.“I’m sorry Jen.”He said softly.

“For what?”

“Crying on your pillow.”It felt like the safest thing to say at the moment.

“You… wait.What?When?”

“New Year’s Eve.He didn’t come and I went to see you.Only…”

“I saw you Jay.”Jensen admitted.“The ball dropped and there was this random guy and then I saw you leaving.I tried to follow you but you were gone.”

“I didn’t realize Jen. Even though I saw… I never realized.”

“What?”

“That it was supposed to be me.”

Jensen tipped his head back, kissing him lightly before he sighed.“Don’t suppose you realized the rest of it then.Truth is Jay, the last two years, they were all supposed to be you.”

 


End file.
